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Against the Grain

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1945 - NCO's had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports.
1999 - everyone has an internet access computer, and they wonder why no work is getting done.

1945 - we painted pictures of girls on airplanes to remind us of home.
1999 - they put the real thing in the cockpit.

1945 - your girlfriend was at home praying you would return alive.
1999 - she is in the same trench praying your condom worked.

1945 - if you got drunk off duty your buddies would take you back to the barracks to sleep it off.
1999 - if you get drunk they slap you in rehab and ruin your career.

1945 - you were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him.
1999 - you spray 500 bullets into the brush, don't hit anything, and retreat because you're out of ammo.

1945 - canteens were made of steel, and you could heat coffee or hot chocolate in them.
1999 - canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat anything in them, and they always taste like plastic.

1945 - officers were professional soldiers first and they commanded respect.
1999 - officers are politicians first and beg not to be given a wedgie.

1945 - they collected enemy intelligence and analyzed it.
1999 - they collect your pee and analyze it.

1945 - if you didn't act right, the Sergeant Major put you in the brig until you straightened up.
1999 - if you don't act right, they start a paper trail that follows you forever.

1945 - medals were awarded to heroes who saved lives at the risk of their own.
1999 - medals are awarded to people who work at headquarters.

1945 - you slept in barracks like a soldier.
1999 - you sleep in a dormitory like a college kid.

1945 - you ate in a mess hall, which was free, and you could have all the food you wanted.
1999 - you eat in a dining facility, every slice of bread or pad of butter costs, and you better not take too much.

1945 - we defeated powerful countries like Germany and Japan.
1999 - we come up short against Iraq and Yugoslavia.

1945 - if you wanted to relax, you went to the rec center, played pool, smoked and drank beer.
1999 - you go to the community center, and you can play pool.

1945 - if you wanted beer and conversation you went to the NCO or Officers' Club.
1999 - the beer will cost you $2.75, membership is forced, and someone is watching how much you drink.

1945 - the Exchange had bargains for soldiers who didn't make much money.
1999 - you can get better and cheaper merchandise at Walmart.

1945 - we could recognize the enemy by their Nazi helmets.
1999 - we are wearing the Nazi helmets.

1945 - we called the enemy names like "Krauts" and "Japs" because we didn't like them.
1999 - we call the enemy the "opposing force" or "aggressor" because we don't want to offend them.

1945 - victory was declared when the enemy was defeated and all his things were broken.
1999 - victory is declared when the enemy says he is sorry.

1945 - a commander would put his butt on the line to protect his people.
1999 - a commander will put his people on the line to protect his butt.

1945 - wars were planned and run by generals with lots of important victories.
1999 - wars are planned by politicians with lots of equivocating.

1945 - we were fighting for freedom, and the country was committed to winning.
1999 - we don't know what we're fighting for, and the government is committed to social programs (used to be called 'socialism').

1945 - all you could think about was getting out and becoming a civilian again.
1999 - all you can think about is getting out and becoming a civilian again.